Sunday Confessional: addiction

Confession: the whole time I was recovering from surgery my main goal was to get off the meds quick

Anyone who knows me knows that I am very adverse to taking meds. Before my surgery, if I got a cold or headache, I would suffer as long as I could before relenting and taking something for it.

When I got to the hospital and found out that I was going on dilauded (sp?) I was freaked out. I have heard such horror stories about people’s addiction to it. I will admit fully, that I hallucinated in the hospital while on the IV drip. It was ok, they weren’t horror ones. However, when I started taking the pills I purposely halted the dose the Dr gave me, so that my body didn’t grow accustomed to it.

Now, as I head into yet another wicked chest cold, I am not hesitating to get a new puffer and take the remaining narcotic cough medicine left over from the last cold. I dread having to swallow cough syrup (trust me, I end up in tears about it every time) but I can’t suffer this cough anymore.
I managed to pull my left pec muscle from the coughing, this sucks.

But, there’s one addiction I have that I completely ignore and disregard, because no one seems to realize it’s an addiction and I have it.

Confession: I am a food addict. I have a love of food that isn’t healthy anymore.

I love veggies (I could live on turnip alone) and I tolerate fruit (I’ve never really liked them) but it doesn’t compete with my addiction to everything else. I’m not a big bread fan, never have been.

When I see a food commercial or smell a food, my mind reminds me of a wonderful time when I felt loved and safe. Then as I eat the food my mind tells me that everything is going to be ok because I’m eating it.
Not just eating it, but consuming so much that portion control seems like a German word.

Well, I’m working on it. Admitting it is half the battle and I’m reading a book right now to help me with it.

For now, I am going to focus on one meal at a time. That’s all I can

I’m Nicole, and I’m a food addict

Until later.

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2 Responses to Sunday Confessional: addiction

  1. Jackie says:

    This was a brave post! I admire yourself for putting this out there for everyone to know. I think stating you are addicted to food is a step toward gaining control. I hope someday you can know a relationship with food where you enjoy it but also feel in control and mindful.

    I hope this isn’t inappropriate, insensitive, or triggering to discuss given the topic of this post, but I recently discovered turnips and think they’re great. We still are learning ways to prepare them.

  2. Same here with meds!

    Yes–admitting it is a great step! Most my clients are the same. Food triggers happy feelings, and it’s hard to retrain the habit cycle. But IT’S POSSIBLE!!! I see it all.. the. time.

    You can do this 🙂 Don’t worry–it will all be Ok:)

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