Wednesday Wisdoms


So today I took a step in owning what’s going on with me. I have been struggling with emotions and attitudes and moods for a whole week. 

There have been many days in the last week where I dissolved to tears for no real good reason. Today it was in the locker room. 

Today was NOT a good gym day. It took every ounce of will power not to stay home in bed this morning. I got there, and just the drive to the gym I fought myself. I put my headphones in and jumped on the treadmill. Here starts the horror show. Five minutes in and  I was trying my hardest NOT to hold onto the sides of the treadmill. 

Not even my Zumba music loud in my ears could drown out how awful this workout was. By the time I got to thirty minutes I was almost in tears. So, I made the decision to switch to the elliptical for a while. I thought maybe it would help workout the pain in my back/hip. 


I got ten minutes in and I almost cursed out loud. As I stopped, I could feel them. I could hear them too. 

The voices. 

The ones I haven’t heard In a long  time. The fat girl thoughts. 

It was like I could feel every single person in the gym passing judgement on me. Oh look, I heard in my head, that fat girl can’t even finish an hour in the gym. 

By the time I got in the locker room, I was a mess. 

Then I forgot my shower shoes. It was almost too much. I was ready to go home, change back into my pj’s and go right back to bed. 

But I didn’t. I struggled. I talked with co workers. I smiled at strangers. 

I’m in a headspace right now that I don’t like. I don’t like it because I’m NEVER this negative for this long.  

I think I need to find my Passion again. I think it’s gone missing. 

Any idea how?

Until later. 

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One Response to Wednesday Wisdoms

  1. Mom and dad says:

    Nicole where is this coming from you ask it is being way too hard on yourself and please stop worrying about other people at the gym they are there for the same reason you are!!!!!!!! I hate the treadmill and would much rather walk outside but don’t be hard on yourself hold onto the sides a lot of people do. You had a hard year and for you to be doing what you are doing is fantastic and we are so proud off you and to get yourself up and going and not staying in bed shows how strong you are so don’t give up and maybe you need to talk to someone at the gym about what is best for you maybe one off the Zumba instructors could help you.

    Nic are you having food addictions with your emotions and eating them away? please be honest with me because I noticed that you are putting on weight and Dad and I are concerned about it and your health but we don’t like to mention it to you because you have your own life….but as parents you never ever stop caring about your kids….lol…….but Nic we are concerned about it and we don’t want you to feel any pressure from us but we both fight our additions with food everyday also and I am always keeping your Dad at bay because he loves his junk food but we have one day we do it and then get back on track.

    We know its hard but we love you and we are here for you anytime you need us!!!!!!!!

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